just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
