I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
