If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
