K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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