can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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