I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
