I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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