clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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