First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
