i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
