I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
