is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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