She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
