why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
