I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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