your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
plz talk dirty to me
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
