Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
