I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
