The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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