we have pet lesbian snakes
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
