Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We have so much sex to catch up on
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
