Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
