What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
