ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
