Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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