oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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