If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
