Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
