I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
