Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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