my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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