If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
