My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Panties = found
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
