she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
