Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
