he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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