Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
