how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
