I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
