If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
