I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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