Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
