we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
