Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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