I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
