Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my phone needs a breathalizer
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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