Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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