If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
