How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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