sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
