Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
