remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
