Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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