o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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